We often describe people as though their behaviour tells us exactly who they are.

“He is difficult.”
“She lacks confidence.”
“He is unmotivated.”
“She is quiet.”
“He is a natural leader.”

These descriptions may contain some truth. But they can also hide something important:

People do not behave in a vacuum.

Behaviour happens within a context.

The relationships around us, the expectations placed on us, the amount of power we have, the roles we occupy and the environments in which we find ourselves can all influence how we behave.

Understanding the person sometimes requires us to understand what is happening around them.

Is It the Person — or the Context?

Consider someone who rarely speaks during meetings at work.

We might describe that person as shy or lacking confidence.

Then we see them interacting with a different group of people.

Suddenly, they are animated.

They have opinions.

They make jokes.

They challenge ideas.

They appear completely comfortable.

Which version is the real person?

The quiet one or the confident one?

A systemic perspective suggests that this may be the wrong question.

Instead, we might ask:

What is happening in each environment that makes different behaviour possible?

The person has not necessarily changed.

The context has.

Environments Teach Us How to Behave

Every environment communicates something about what is expected, rewarded and tolerated.

Some workplaces encourage people to challenge ideas.

Others may claim to value openness while responding negatively whenever someone disagrees with authority.

Some families encourage emotional expression.

Others learn to avoid certain subjects because discussing them creates conflict.

Some relationships allow both people to express their needs.

Others gradually develop patterns in which one person’s needs consistently take priority.

We learn these patterns.

Sometimes nobody explicitly teaches them to us.

We simply observe what happens.

We notice which behaviours receive approval.

We learn which conversations create tension.

We discover what happens when someone challenges authority.

And gradually, we adapt.

The Same Person Can Behave Differently in Different Systems

This is particularly visible in workplaces.

An employee may struggle under one manager and flourish under another.

It would be easy to conclude that the employee suddenly became more motivated.

But something else may have changed.

Expectations may have become clearer.

The employee may have been given greater autonomy.

Mistakes may be handled differently.

Their contribution may be recognised.

They may feel safer disagreeing with the person in authority.

The individual matters.

But so does the system around the individual.

The same principle can be seen in schools.

A child described as disruptive in one classroom may behave very differently with another teacher.

That does not mean the disruptive behaviour should simply be ignored.

It gives us additional information.

Instead of only asking what is happening inside the child, we can also examine the relationship between the child, teacher, peers, expectations and classroom environment.

Relationships Also Create Context

Context is not only about physical environments.

A relationship is itself a context.

You may notice that you become unusually defensive around one particular person.

You may become quiet around someone else.

With another person, you find yourself taking responsibility for everything.

And with certain people, you may feel completely comfortable expressing disagreement.

This is worth becoming curious about.

Instead of immediately concluding:

“This is just who I am,”

we can ask:

“What happens to me in this particular relationship?”

Sometimes our behaviour tells us something about the relational pattern we have developed with another person.

One person pushes.

The other withdraws.

The withdrawal leads to more pushing.

The increased pressure creates further withdrawal.

Eventually, we may describe one person as controlling and the other as someone who refuses to communicate.

Those descriptions may capture part of what is happening.

But looking at the interaction allows us to see something else:

a pattern is being created between them.

Context Does Not Remove Responsibility

There is an important caution here.

Understanding context does not mean explaining away every behaviour.

People remain responsible for their actions.

Harmful behaviour cannot simply be justified by saying that the environment caused it.

A systemic perspective does not replace individual accountability.

It expands our understanding.

We can hold someone responsible for what they do while still asking what conditions may be contributing to a repeated pattern.

Both can be true.

Be Careful With Labels

Labels are useful because they simplify complicated information.

But they can also stop curiosity.

Once we decide that someone is lazy, difficult, weak, resistant or unmotivated, we may stop asking questions.

And sometimes those questions are exactly what we need.

What happens before this behaviour appears?

Does it happen everywhere or mainly in particular situations?

Around whom does it become stronger?

What response does the behaviour produce in other people?

What happens next?

What keeps the pattern going?

These questions move us from simply describing behaviour to trying to understand it.

What Is This System Bringing Out in People?

For leaders, parents, teachers and anyone responsible for creating environments for other people, there is an especially useful question:

What is this system bringing out in people?

Does the environment encourage responsibility or dependence?

Does it encourage openness or silence?

Does it make it safe to acknowledge mistakes, or does it teach people to hide them?

Does it encourage initiative, or does taking initiative repeatedly create negative consequences?

The answers may tell us something that an individual assessment alone cannot.

Sometimes changing behaviour requires helping the individual.

Sometimes it requires changing something in the environment.

Often, it requires understanding both.

Looking Beyond the Individual

The next time someone’s behaviour frustrates or confuses us, we do not have to abandon our judgement completely.

We can simply add another question:

What might be happening in this context that is contributing to what I am seeing?

We may still arrive at the same conclusion about the person’s behaviour.

But sometimes we will notice something that was invisible when we were looking only at the individual.

Because understanding human behaviour requires us to look at people.

But it also requires us to look at relationships, environments and patterns.

Sometimes, to understand the person, we first need to see the system.